"So much of what I see reminds me of what I read in a book, but shouldn't it be the other way around?"
~ Meg Ryan as Kathleen Kelly, aka 'Shopgirl' in You've Got Mail

as silly (or emo) as the film can be at times, there's a lot of wisdom between the lines (and I don't mean Godfather quotes, I mean look beyond the amusement)... it is a film, like Sleepless in Seattle or Contact and others, that can lead us to ponder what we are doing in our interpersonal relationships, especially in our communications, and most especially in our long distance interactions...

here we are sharing words online, strangers and friends...

do we ever ask ourselves, beyond the amusement, why we spend time online reaching out, making contact, building bridges through words... why are so many developing relationships online, and what sort of relationships are they?...

a few of my favorite online people have recently pondered the offline world more again, which lead me to some pondering of my own... having started my own personal online adventures back in the mid-nineties (not counting the BBS forays of the eighties), and keeping an online journal of sorts for almost ten years now, I understand the bipolarity that leads to questioning whether I should leave the online world... does this online sharing replace offline sharing?...

I wonder if that query comes from the addictive side of my personality... could I be afraid that I am not in an intimate relationship offline because I spend too much time (and devote too much of my emotional focus) on line?... am I living in fantasy to avoid reality?... are words substituting for physical touches, for eye contact, for shared physical presence?...

stepping back from the screen a moment, I ask myself - as much as lol or LOL can be genuine laughter shared through words online, are we really ROFL or LMAO when we type those letters?... I mean, picture the scene... and even the greatest laughter shared in words, even the most profound or intimate understanding shared here can not compare to the same experience shared eye-to-eye, hearing the nuances of voice, and seeing the subtle uniqueness of facial expression and body language...

it is more comfortable, perhaps... in many ways, it is safer here in words online... often, especially after a soured relationship, words online can be baby steps back toward reconnecting with strangers and trusting self to feel confident in self to start believing in trusting strangers - and self - again... the online world may be a wonderful cure for - or escape from - a broken heart... and we can get comfortable sharing from a distance... but can it become an easy way out of starting over?...

perhaps distance is that double edge sword that allows the mind to create more of the meaning in a connection than physical space connections allow because there is time between interactions and only words to read, not any other sensory input to process... this time and distance allows us to ease back into sharing much more at our own pace than if someone was there in space asking for more attention than we are ready to give, especially in those times when focus on self is important for rebuilding readiness to trust and share again...

and what about the heart?... a heart dreaming of trusting, of believing in someone else again - whether as a platonic best friend or romantic partner or before that even, just as a new stranger who gives us attention, who cares, reminds us that we are worth wanting to know, worth trusting and caring about... has the internet become the latest cultural refuge for anyone afraid of, or just tired of, the meat markets and roller coaster of physical relationships?...

after heartbreak some leap headlong into another relationship (or at least into another bed) rebounding as if that is the way to heal... getting back on the horse, even with a broken back... sure we can do it, but only if we numb ourselves to the very real pain we experience... but what if we lose something each time we superficialize love as a way of recovering from heartbreak...

I believe we, human people, sentient and emotional beings, benefit most from stepping stones across the emotional leaps we take (what we call falling in love, for instance), especially after a hard fall... and what is falling in love, anyway?... the heart leaps, the mind decides to trust as unconditionally as possible, and we find bliss... too often we find it was more illusion than real and suddenly our faith in our own judgment is shaken, sometimes shattered... religious people pray, romantic people need some sort of personal time too...

I think that right after an emotional betrayal (by our own mistake or another's behavior) is when we most need a friend, a true friend who can unconditionally love, one who can remind us that we are still beautiful, wonderful, precious, intelligent, and trustworthy... a new friend to prove to us that we are ok in spite of a mistake in judgment is like a stepping stone back to ourselves...

I say to you who know this challenging place, heartbreak, that there's a time to cry, to laugh, to mourn, to rejoice, to play... always make time to play (and you'll see rainbows through the tears), for that, no matter how high or low we get along the way, is how to remember why we are alive... hug yourself today cuz you are worth knowing, trusting, and loving - and if you let me, I will keep reminding you... in case you have doubts...