and as if she was waiting, here is Precious sitting in front of me... I woke from a four-hour nap several minutes ago to find dreams on my mind, so I came here to translate them into words... sometimes it works, but mostly dreams dissolve into the magic from which they are born before words can be found to express them... I've come to appreciate that process for remembering dreams too clearly has a way of distorting their essence and diminishing their purity... in those moments between sleep and awake where faeries and mischief-makers await, if you still remember, you may understand...

her visit was brief, as she was waiting the arrival of her best friend... she sat there, CDs and script to Bare in hand, smiling as if life was good today and she wanted to let me know, but words were not necessary... they apparently had a long talk and are continuing the conversation in person tonight... again, this is why I believe there is always hope...

my mind is barely out of unconsciousness, a delightful state that begs timelessness and dares dreams to become real... few embrace these moments, I enjoy enhancing them, prolonging them, and when possible - sharing them...

for those who dare to love, sharing is what life is about... at times it may feel like a need, an ache, an insatiable hunger, a burning desire, an addiction... I believe instinctively, all beings love... just look at your pets or mated animals in the wild... sadly (from my perspective) many people, perhaps most, consciously repress their love and therefore I refer to those who dare to love as if they were a different species of human... I have heard the justifications, rationalizations, intellectualizations, defense mechanisms... none make any sense to me...

so you turn off/away from the greatest feeling possible because...

huh?

what wimps we allow ourselves to become... as if we can't handle our own mistakes... as if we can't repair our wounded egos and broken hearts... believing in can't is even more futile than believing in, well, that's another rant for another day (though rant might not be what this is after all)... all it takes, to heal, to repair, to continue living and growing and caring and sharing openly, is honesty and love, honest love... but that is a rare concept/commodity in a world based mostly on fear...

as I see it, the strongest heart melts easiest... true strength is the ability to be malleable, adaptable, resilient, and true to the essence of love... those who allow the sadness of loss, the heartbreak of betrayal, the pain of abuse, the confusion of misunderstanding, or any of the negative emotions become stronger than honest love (which accounts for most humans, unfortunately) weaken themselves (even as they pretend to be strong) and defeat themselves before they start...

for me, beyond the mocking of the term emo (which may or may not represent honest emotion in common use today), the understanding and expressing of emotions is what separates humans, sentient species, from others... it is human language, poetry, art, concrete and abstract creativity that elevates instinct and merges physical sensation with intellectual understanding... and we call the product emotion... we create it, and then we fear it (and mock it)...

it is that fear, empowered, justified, institutionalized, legalized, that becomes an acceptable madness that creates war, cults, laws against love, and a need for gods and other responsibility-shirking conceptualizations that allow for an external locus of control... a shift of personal power from the self to some unknown outside real or imaginary entity...

for many years I tried to immerse myself in what we might call the human condition... I did everything I could imagine (short of suicide) to experience and understand the roots of human fear and the complicated webs of self-denial, deceit, and self-destructive behaviors born of the fears... I did this an attempt to bond, to share the experience, to collaborate, partner, and feel as one with another... I did this to share love... but for me, love does not yield to fear and so this fear based culture was a merry-go-round of negativity that did not provide an opportunity to share love as I know it, love without fear, love without harm, honest love... I joined the struggle most humans live but in the end, finally, I just had to let it go...

if you understand what I mean I ask, are these just words... do you do it?... do you actualize your true nature, your instinct, your honest love?... or does fear guide you through this life... I dare you to tell me fear does not... I dare you to prove it...