once upon a time there was a babbler who babbled on and on just for the love of babbling... rare was the reader who kept up with the flow of words and then, but for a moment in the streams of consciousness that was the babbler's time... longing for a meaningful and lasting connection, the words flowed relentlessly outward into the ether, into to void, into the hopeful airwaves of cyberspace... for anyone listening... but try as our dauntless babbler might to introduce some sense of identity and personalization into the flow, the touches were fleeting and the connections never seemed to last very long... perhaps it was just too manic, perhaps there was too much energy, perhaps there was simply nothing to hold on to...

and then I came here... a change of perspective, a splattering of everything, a momentary reflection on observations and experiences, mood and rhythm, yin and yang... still, to this point in time, perhaps in some way similar to Zoe (as opposed to Zoe, I suppose) in some vain or benevolent attempt to find something real and lasting amidst the superficial moments we share in life on the street or on the web... a curiosity...

and perhaps there are too many words for you (but there are so many more in boxes in storage and still so many more in the mind yet to be)... if you even read every word here at this blog, you'd have read less than 1% of the words I've sent to you through this computer... if you read all the words I've placed online, you'd have read less than 1% of the words I've put on paper in this lifetime... who has the time, the patience, the interest, the love of words...

and then there is the diversity...

you see with your eyes, interpret with your mind, experience through your experience... we do not see things as they are, we see things as we are... where some see angst, I see hope... where some see fear, I see compassion... some would rather feel offended than face the fact that they actually choose not to care...

I rage, I rant, I gush, I smooch, I fawn, I flirt, I touch, I shoot, I laugh, I cry, I live, I am, and no one has to understand... but you miss my bliss if you don't... and that may not matter to you, which is as you choose... I hope you find whatever works for you and may it be... as good as mine is for me (or better), may you find your bliss is unconditional... and free...

so I give you a few rhymes, emo and rage, mocking and sage, digression and wonders, page after page... and the emo makes some puke and others sigh... and the rage may offend some and others deny... and the meaning may be lost in the translation from my mind to yours... but you are the only one in control of your mind's doors... if you want to relate, you will... if you want to complain, you will... if you want to ignore, you will... if you want to deplore, you will... if you want to upset, you will... if you want to laugh, you will... if you want to enjoy, you will... and if you want to know me, you will...

one man's pretentiousness may be another's bliss

or precocious, even (and I giggle like a school girl at the thoughts that might be going through our heads)... I am reproducing a reproduction (or cheating, for purists) of an entry and a comment I was just (recently) inspired to write for Serenity (cuz I just feel so unbelievably serene, ya know) and calling it an entry in my daily life blog (and maybe elsewhere too cuz I am just so full of myself tonight... maybe it's the graduation ceremony.. pomp and circumstance and all... or maybe just cuz I can, cuz whining and the daily reports of life as I experience it is now all that happens in RealTime), but first...

I shall immortalize yet another few expanded minds by relating thoughts they inspired in my mind (like this one?) in the hope that you might further expand your minds by visiting them and relating and finding more to relate to as you break the ice and communicate with me (or something like that)... so I must (yes, must, it's like that sometimes) suggest that Quasar9's colliding galaxies reminded me of a cell dividing as the duality and dichotomy and reciprocal nature of life, the universe, and everything (or at least my perspective at the moment) seemed to be clear as squeaky clean glass to my eyes... and Z0tl loves to hate (or hates to love) these moments of innocuous epiphany, enigmatic revelation, or perhaps merely egocentric self-indulgence that I occasionally spill out on to an unsuspecting world like a lunatic child pissing geometric shapes in the snow... ...

I presume so much, aye? :)

but it is... IS!

I am one of the first ten million bloggers at blogspot... I am also one of the first ten million bloggers at myspace... this information has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of this entry, except that it IS too...

there are moments when life is fun for no apparent reason and it is these moments that are the most fun I've known in this life... they come and go at anytime and seem independent of everything... as if some drug or spirit or whatever explanation or metaphor entered my being/body and burst into pure bliss...

anyway, this is the part where I kinda cheat:

I am not sure if it is for better or worse for me (though I think it is for better), but I am finding it more and more challenging to relate to the struggles and finding it easier and easier to enjoy everything and I wonder, is it just a matter of focus, of perspective, of choosing an illusion and making it a reality and letting go... is it just being and not analyzing, is it actually embracing life and death and everything with unconditional love and trusting myself to make the most of it, to appreciate it, to splash in the half-full glass and enjoy it... it seems to me that all I did different is choose, but is it merely choice, can it be so simple?...

and I laugh cuz it doesn't matter, the answers could be yes, no, maybe, or anything, it doesn't matter... all that matters is it works for me, it's happening...

happiness...

I wish everyone felt it as I do, or better, cuz I feel like a bobble head philosopher, that is, my head is not empty and my bliss is not ignorant, it's just bee-bopping along to the rhythms of my heartbeats, swooshing along to the flow of the blood through this body's tubes, giggling at the sniffles and tickled by the drip drip drip of my runny nose, curious about the lump in my abdomen attached to my kidney, and the big stone, and all the little stones... the lump and the stones, ought to be a band name...

being alive and experiencing the sensations... it may be that Hollywood attempted to put a similar experience/perspective on film as Nicolas Cage took that leap of faith in City of Angels... and some think I love that film purely cuz Meg Ryan is in it (just cuz I gush? :)

one...

every day I feel closer to the infant I was when I came into this world, except I have memories and experiences and much more stuff to play with in my head and in life...

I wish you the same and more :)

and what if these words were a comment that was left for you right now?... what do you think, feel, and how would you react... how are you reacting?... perhaps it is so much easier to remain impersonal and distant, to be silent when faced with a massive missive or personalized ramble... maybe... maybe not... perhaps it is easier to respond to a few simple words than to the manic babbling of an agitated mind experiencing the moments of living a life... while reactions change little of what I do, I so do not want to come off like I am sticking my tongue out or naa-naa-ing anybody because I am not... but the exuberance I feel may seem over the top for some, or maybe kinda like Alanis Morissette poking Jay's nose at the end of Dogma... for those who will not believe such unconditional pleasure can be attained in this life without some explanation or assistance, there may be no way to relate to it...

they can always change their minds though...

et tu?