and rolling into Sunday morning I find myself loosely (and somewhere between rhetorically and irreverently, but nonetheless sincerely) pondering... why are we here?... to blow our horns?... to cry out for attention?... to pretend we are celebrities and play for applause?... to find something we think we are lacking?... to pass the time, to be amused, to create some drama?... to learn while being amused?... to follow a favorite artist?... or perhaps this is a place where creative muses can come out to play tag with our hearts and minds... or maybe we come here with a dream of finding something of meaning, something real, something sincere, a true friend?... everyone has a reason, even if it is none...

it all seems so fake sometimes...

every time I come back here to myspace I find more friend requests from strangers (or maybe they are old friends not letting me know they are old friends cuz they aren't sure we're old friends anymore and they don't know how to break the ice so hello old friends, consider the ice broken and welcome back from wherever you've been, ok?) and I suspect that most are from people trying to sell something cuz my comments are certainly getting repetitive with oversized flyers for clubs and such (is it really so hard to learn how to resize an image so it does not take over someone else's page, I mean, if I am kind enough to let you advertise on my myspace, the least you can do is learn how to do it so that it does not distort or corrupt the format of my page, right?... I'm probably wasting my breath here, but then, those who care may listen and those who don't may be deleted one of these days when I find time and balance shall return to the universe, or at least the comments page :)

and then there are those blogs that attract hundreds of one-liner comments each trying to out-shock or bitch-slap or somehow mock or amuse the previous comment or commenter (quite a challenging game if you have time to sit for hours refreshing a comments page) and appear more like a chat room or bulletin board or game show than any real attempt at communication no matter how much pretense goes into the effort... and even there in that public-private world, the exception stands out as one person attempts to make it a little (or a lot) more real for others who were in the right place at the right time and said the right things to be part of such an experiment... I look forward to seeing the film and wish the timing was right cuz I'd have loved to have been in it...

meanwhile, I obviously do not come by this place often enough for anyone to regularly check on what I might write here and surely don't have time to spend hours or days at a time online... so I do what I can, like text message, to send a smile and show I care... and all the more appreciation goes out to you who do look in and leave a word or few... I suppose I could come by here more often, if just for a few minutes to leave a few words here to let you know I am alive and all is well (or however all is) and pass along whatever is flowing through my head or even ramble on about the mundane details of the day, like my roommate snoring ever so loudly on the couch at the moment, and whine on and on about the imperfections and challenges of life and create all sorts of human drama just to keep the boredom at bay, but then, I already do that every day over at blogspot if you are really that interested in my attempts to be more human... or normal (whatever that is)...

as I've been mentioning almost every time I come here (not that I enjoy being repetitive), I have not had time to be all that literary of late, no less clever or creative, and the is myspace, after all, where only the clever and creative come to blog (that wasn't meant to be as sarcastic as it may have been read, but it was meant to be mostly irreverent and leave me amused... it succeeded in the latter, in case you wondered)...

Well-Intended Old Person: you are too old for such nonsense!
Me: you are too young to be so old :)

and as the night rolls into morning and I look around for someone to play with only find all the world asleep, I am reminded that my last birthday card sang "I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day" when it was opened... I keep it on my computer at work and open it regularly, just to remind myself and anyone within earshot... it keeps the stuffed shirts away and the suits on their toes...

don't give up, mmm'ok?

if you've been looking for me, you might find me haunting the blog of one of my corporate cronies where odd utubes of personal and irreverent, yet quite possibly (and ironically) of quite a sincere nature, invade our senses at an alarming rate... and then there's the Southern California connection to consider, but that's another story... it is good to know that there are actually a few people in far corners of this world who check in on me daily and attempt some form of communication... bless their noble and generous hearts... it amazes me every time :)

strangely, the statistical box on this myspace blog tells me that some fifty or more visitors come by here each week and yet, only a few of you communicate in any way in spite of the availability of numerous ways of letting me know you exist... my telephone number is floating around here and there for calls or text messages... and there's the comments and messages and all sorts of methods for the exchange of words... perhaps I do not stimulate you or inspire you to respond... perhaps I leave you speechless... I do that to myself from time to time, quite unintentionally...

so anyway, as this night twinkles through it's wee hours and the dawn approaches and I find myself alone with a hunger to play well with others, I came here to think aloud... or to think in typed letters and words, to be more precise... not that I'm feeling overly anal or precise tonight, but semantic games keep me amused while I am pondering my navel or the universe or why we don't reach out and touch each other more often, or at all, even (cuz it's more fun than feeling lonely, ya know?... well, I hope ya know)...

perhaps you presume we will not relate or get along... perhaps you assume I am too young or too old, too smart or too dumb, too serious or too irreverent, too simple or too complex... perhaps you are afraid I might laugh at you or yell at you or simply ignore you... I don't like the idea of rejection either, but heck, that's no reason to accept loneliness by rejecting the chance to maybe find a friend or at least share a little human contact and comfort for a little while, is it? :)

I can be considered ridiculously optimistic, I suppose, but then, I am not the only one (and I hope someday you will join us... yeah, you)... so I encourage you to communicate when you have the time (and I understand not having time, cuz I usually do not, so no obligations or expectations, just a few moments of sharing a smile)... personally, I find time to send a text message by phone more than I find time to be online or check email or anything else... but I was once an avid correspondent (and player in joint efforts like The Letter Exchange and projects and communities and even groups of my own making), so who knows, maybe the itch for more personal communication is behind this particular post (what?... deeper meaning and not just passing the time?)...

ah, I tease myself and my semi-superficial treatment of myspace and most online worlds... but still, the possibilities are endless and I know that well for I've known profound relationships that started with a simple word or two across great distance... and on that note, as a soundtrack of John Lennon, Metallica, The Carpenters, Brand New, Aerosmith, Billy Joel, Led Zepellin, Train, Say Anything, Stevie Wonder, Dan Fogelberg, Mars Volta, Elton John, songs from several Broadway musicals, Meg & Dia, The Who, The Spill Canvas, Bob Dylan, Evanescence, Kansas, Melissa Etheridge, Pink Floyd, The Moody Blues, Harry Chapin, Nada Surf, Queen, Jackson Browne, Brandtson, Kiss, Snow Patrol, Yes, Rilo Kiley, The Beatles, and assorted others rock and roll me into sweet release of dreams and golden slumbers fill my eyes (knowing a smile shall wake me when I rise), I shall stop the gentle tapping of keys now with this last thought...

I hope you are doing something you enjoy and amusing yourself and find some way to share it... cuz life is more fun that way and why be here, if not to have fun (it's a rhetorical question, but if answering is fun for you, go for it :)

namaste and shalom and aloha and love, love, love...

and a hopeful smile :)