Subject instead of sleep
DateCreated 12/21/2006 8:00:00 PM
PostedDate 2/18/2007 12:38:00 AM

I woke this morning feeling refreshed and excited because, for a change, I slept almost eight hours and was taking an extra two hours for myself and found a few wonderful inspirations online and then...

I partied a bit more than usual at work and their holiday dinner left me a bit bloated with a rare headache (wondering if something was tainted) so I laid down and napped and then...

I woke after about two hours with a very rare nasty over-the-eyeballs pounding pain so I stepped into a searing hot shower and steamed this body until the hot water ran out and then...

I stood in cold trickle of water falling on the front of my head just above my forehead and exercised as many muscles as I could until I felt I could move no more and then...

I came here to rest an exhausted body and this is what came out


I take a nap
I take a shower

take in the sense of experiencing them

it's not like I took them anywhere


when I will face

my final hour

I hope to be satisfied

just in case there is more after I died


I don't want to be sorry for the things I haven't done

I don't want to be unhappy for missing out on fun

I don't want to be there, somewhere else

looking back and laughing at myself

for the foolish fears that stopped me before I'd begun


I rest my head

I type my story

story in the sense of my experience

it's not all just made up in my mind


if in the end

there is no glory

I hope to be satisfied

just in case there's nothing after I died


I don't want to be spending my last breathable moments

regretting a series of denials and postponements

that make up the life I must call mine

I don't want to feel I wasted time

it's the wrong time to make meaningful atonements


I want to say

take me as I am

and be proud of the way

I always took a stand

for what I believe in

honesty without harm

I don't want some magic wand

or a tainted lucky charm


I want to say

I'm ready to go

and be satisfied with

all I did and know

so I take every moment

and give it all I've got

just in case the great hereafter

is not

.      .      .

I take a break

I take a lesson

adding one more moment of experience

to a life of living each moment


and I will face

death without guessing

because I will be satisfied

I live to be alive, not to have died

I live to be alive and not to die

may you enjoy the moments of your life being completely where you are, focused on the moment and the pleasure in and around you... and may you find ways of exercising your mind and body so it can process the crap our processed world puts through it... and may you take something from your visits with me that has some worth in your life so you don't feel you're wasting any of your time...

my head feels mostly better now :)