Subject many days
DateCreated 12/15/2006 12:17:00 AM
PostedDate 12/15/2006 12:33:00 AM

but then, what is time?... my first thought as I clicked on post a new entry tonight was I don't know why I haven't been here in days, except that I've been trying to get some sleep and I've been really busy at work and I wrote about it at my other two previously established blogs, but I wanted for some days now to come here to thank some of you more personally for bringing some light and love and laughter and the odd questions into my world and tell you that I want to and have every intention to find some time to respond more directly to your messages and comments and text messages and (I haven't checked email in weeks, so I don't know if anything's coming there) and so I am here tonight but then I had a second thought about that thought so I incorporated it into the second thought that opens this entry...

the second thought was not about the veracity or sincerity of my intentions, but rather, about how commonplace it is to express such intentions and how I have little respect for excuse-makers and I was wondering if I was going to come here to make excuses... but now that I'm thinking again (is this a third thought then?), all my excuses were used up in the other places so I'm here empty headed and guiltless and carefree and open and honest and comfortable as I like to be cuz it's most like the me I know as me...

and then the thought that I thought was a second thought but was not even the third thought and in fact was actually the other thought that distracted me and made me think I had second thoughts (I didn't?... no, actually, I didn't... it was this other thought that changed the title from I don't know why I haven't been here in days to a much more ethereal (for me, at least) many days and the opening line from except that I've been trying to get some sleep... to  but then, what is time... yes, the other thought...

the date... I saw the date and it paused me with the thought of dates past and promises and birthdays and romance and forever and all the gushy mushy stuff that guys might like to ridicule in locker rooms but secretly dream about when they're alone in bed at night... tomorrow is the birthday of someone I would dearly love to sing happy birthday to again... so somewhere in my ramblings I'll be writing some rhymes with that thought and feeling in mind...

there are not enough years in a lifetime
to quiet your memory
so once again I come to you in a rhyme
if only in fantasy
I do this for many I've known and loved
to keep my reality
full of the wonder I still dream of
somewhere deep inside of me

and people tell me to grow up
to let go of dreams
to accept the world
just as it seems
but when I tell them that is what I do
they look at me as I've said that their nose is blue

and people tell me to get real
to accept love ends
to understand people
don't always stay friends
but when I tell them that does not have to be true
they look at me as if I said something brand new

they don't have a clue
is that what they call growing up?
then I want no part of the game
that would make me forget a friend's name
is it the poisons in their cup?
or some sort of mass insanity?
it's just not the way for me

all I know is I love and love lasts forever
and I love my memory
and each moment adds one more beautiful
feeling, that's not fantasy
right now I'm sharing with anyone listening
this is reality 
love is eternity
reaching infinity
the best we all can be
I  do this for everyone I've known and loved
but you were the first, for me

so it's special and I happily say
I wish a hundred piece band would play
and the world would sing Happy Birthday
hey, this is my way, come what may
and I will write to you this way
every year on your birthday

and so I did...

a whole day early for the kid who's always late... will wonders never cease (hope not :)

and I hope you dear people reading this right now feel something good inside for something real in your life that makes you feel alive and if any of my words added even a micron to your smile then yay for your being here... I may be mostly asleep and semi-dreaming right now, but if you know that place between sleep and awake where you still remember dreaming (film?... characters?... scene?... oh my) then maybe you appreciate the transcendence into the timeless wonderland where memory meets imagination as much as I do... and oh, as a great doctor once said, the places we will go :)

so I may not know why I've been away, but I know why I come back (it's for you :)

g'nite my friends, myspace, and all ships at sea and remember, a ship may be safe in a harbor, but that's not what ships are built for... so may you sail away toward your dreams and make your dreams come true :)