and the Beach Boys song is part of the beginning of this entry, as is Elton John's your song as I think of how sweet it would be if I could (and I would) buy a big house where we all could live because I really to imagine (thank you John) all the people sharing all the world and yet I know, as Billy Joel lamented, truth is honesty is such a lonely word...

but that doesn't stop me from believing and dreaming and doing my best to make my dreams come true (no matter what sort of strange looks I might get on the street... or, to put it in other terms, no matter how many myspace friends I might miss or lose)...

and so I pondered what kind of fool am I in RealTime™ and returned to believing in love and making the feelings I've felt real again (even if only in my mind, but then, if you read the words and feel it in you, then it's real for you too)... and that's where the heart of me has been for the last 30 hours 24 hours or so...

spilling guts... cleaning out the cobwebs... regurgitating the cud I've been chewing on for as long as I can remember... gross metaphor (or is than an analogy?... simile?... no, metaphor, I think... ah, but how the education can be used to distract from the sensitivity of feeling in this life, aye?... hope you didn't miss that giggle), perhaps, but it's still tasty cud to me...

it's a family tradition at this time of year...

even when I am a family of one...

in fact, especially when I am a family of one... the rest of the world has their Christmas and Thanksgiving and New Years and fifth of November and Kwanza and Chanuka and (fill in the celebration or memorial holiday of your choice)... I've got the first of December (yay) and as Frank said, they can't take that away from me...

I don't live in the past... I just take a few moments (or days, when the muses provide the inspiration and I have the time) to remember (the kind of September, or December, in my case) how it feels to fall in love, to be in love, and to make love all that matters in this life... it may be foolish fantasy to some, but for me, it is exercise... it is going to the gym and staying in shape... as important as that is for the body (at least for the body that wants to experience the optimal sensitivity and energy it can experience in this physical life), it is (in my mind, which may be warped in your view) just as important to keep the heart - the ethereal spiritual emotional psyche in shape...

especially during the alone times for it is during the alone times that fear, self-doubt, and pretense can move in to lower self-esteem and replace hope and the magic that love can be with the illusion that of who cares and it doesn't matter...

but as James Hetfield said, nothing else matters...

but fear not, my rhyme loving friends, for this introspective babble that is so cherished by the six people who actually want to know me on the inside will give way to the silly and sentimental and prophetic rhymes that could be songs that the seven groupies come to cheer (ah, the rock star fantasies are not too obscured by the metaphors and analogies, are they?)... I jest, naturally... I don't actually have that many...

and as I wonder just how many of my giggles and laughs you might actually hear as I lovingly mock myself (and, from time to time, everything else) perhaps we also wonder how many lyrical references you might have gotten without any clues, and in the end (or at least a moment's pause, not to take anything away from what is one of the simplest and most profound and greatest songs ever created by not linking it), I leave you with and so it goes...