yeah, I know, I can be sappy sentimental and even pathetic (in a romantic way, though some react more like I gagged-em-with-a-spoon kinda way), but it's all good cuz I'm only writing for one most of the time when I get ridiculously dreamy, the one with all the stars in her eyes...

yeah, so I get this urge to be in love, not just to fall, but then, truly being in love means a constant fall, over and over, as if every moment was that first moment your eyes met and the world went away because you know you found everything that matters most in the whole universe, at least to you in your whole universe... I feel sad to think that there are some in this world who have never known this feeling...

and you may say that I'm a dreamer, but what are we all in our own ways... religion is a collective dream so ingrained in our cultural thought processes that many will judge me fool or worse simply because I point out this fact... science is a dream of knowing and explaining everything without the need for blind faith in things only seen within the mind... but what if the physical world was also a dream and death is simply waking from it to whatever being awake might be... and what if we wake to find out there is nothing... or if there is no waking at all, but just a blinking out of the dream... anything is possible, but what we accept as real is what the most people believe is real... majority rules, even if the majority are fools...

omigosh, hide the children they can not know where they actually came from... or how... cuz that might make us have to ask why and we might find out too often for our comfort that it was not love and family values after all, but pure animal lust...  you know, the kind of feeling dirty books are written about because it's so, uhh, dirty... they can label me atheist or hedonist or liberal or slut or trash or any word that is in vogue for discrediting and demeaning a person in order to distract from the validity of the thoughts and ideas they might express and it will work in this current culture, but fuckem if they can't take a joke cuz they become the joke when the lights go on...

not that I'm bitter or cynical or anything (what?... you wanted all one sided idealistic innocence and wide-eyed openness to every possible explanation and experience and truth that can be?... but without contradiction, from where comes friction and without friction, where comes passion  and without passion, where comes compassion and without compassion, where comes love and without love, where comes faith or hope or belief {blind or not} and without faith or hope or belief, where comes trust and without trust, where comes laughter and without laughter, where comes joy and healing and peace and without joy and healing and peace, where comes life?)...

naaaa...

just amused by a world in which the certainty in blind faith turns into brutal arrogance and painful death that is cheered by millions in some supposedly holy love-based cause... hey, it's either be amused or angry and I'd rather live amused than angry, but then, that's my blind faith in the balance that keeps life, the universe, and everything growing in spite of anything working against it... so I believe in the best of intentions behind even the most heinous acts and hope that understanding will be the ultimate aphrodisiac when all the angry people finally kill themselves and those few who are left will share the what is left and make the best of it...