...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...

... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ...
A Journal of Sorts
. o O ( of course I should be sleeping ) O o .
the babble... though there's an entry almost every day, most are unedited and many of the last six months are unfinished and 'in the pipe' (partially uploaded or not uploaded), so some links will not work and you might get frustrated... if you care enough, or are curious enough, keep popping back to the index and you'll find links to the unfinished pages there... and for starters, you could follow the links that follow and see where my mind might take you almost randomly (the key word there is almost) as of 5-17-03 (virtual time is relative, ya know?)...

almost today

most recently, thiswas today... once, this was today... and other todays: t... o... d... a... y...
where I am really up to, sorta (the key word there is sorta)...

other todays still thinking they are (or might be) today
today?    today?    today?

but truly, today is still missing, cuz I am only up to yesterday... until it returns,
 below is something to hold on to (or the other todays above)
(or, if you're bored with this, go play in the index and see what unmentioned updates are happening)


then again, this was once today:
(and until I catch up with myself, may still be)



"again and again, however we know the landscape of love
and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names,
and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others
fall: again and again the two of us walk out together
under the ancient trees, lie down again and again
among the flowers, face to face with the sky"


~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~










it was midnight in another dream and a new letter was inspired...

Rilke and you, of course... once again you reach deeper into me than I wanted anyone to unless they were sitting beside me with arms wide open to hold me as I fall apart, trusting me to come back together as I always do... surviving the infinite abyss of endless desire... alone...

it is not true love unless it scares you

my lips have almost forgotten what desire means
for so long I've been missing my love
torn from my heart, breaking all my dreams
wounds like this are meant to always bleed
silently the moon cries every night
buried in subway halls
burned in airports
why do you think they call them terminals

and she loved it when I sang, I sang
if it takes forever, I will wait for you
and did I know that she was hearing
I will always love you

and when promising to love
until the end of time
do we really believe time can not end?

meanwhile, deep inside my this heart I know as my own...

I still mourn the loss of my first true love
a void so feared, an abyss so immense
thirty years have not diminished it's power to consume my passion
would a million?
three decades have not reduced it's intensity
time does not effect the inspiration I so fear
and still am so drawn to it
I live for it
and I would die to feel it
just one more time
again

today I live to embrace one who understands
one who will drink the blood of wounds meant to always bleed
one who will drink the tears of eyes meant always to cry
one who will find the child within and the laughter in clouds
smiling from within the storm
feeling the peaceful eye inside

I reach out to warm your hands


(a little closer to)

. o O ( today? ) O o

or

. o O ( today? ) O o

but maybe

. o O ( today? ) O o

ummmm

. o O ( today? ) O o

and this page was last updated
today


today?



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