|
|
(psssst... the latest update is new and improved and loaded with links) J Hi... and welcome to these words (wish you were here... *BIG HUG* and bigger thanks for caring about me enough to come again... and thank you for understanding - or at least for trying to know me... wanna tell me why?) J you are, dear reader, the reason I'm here these words are inspired because you care the prose often flows into rhythms and rhyme when you let me know you've given your time to come here to keep in touch with me that's the point of these words you see it's all about the sharing we can do for you, dear reader, thank you I love words and about the most fun I can have with words is sharing them which starts with writing (reading comes after you respond)... sometimes I'm writing to keep in touch with myself, sometimes to keep in touch with friends, sometimes to let the world (that would be you) know I am here... the dreamer I am imagines that there are people in this world (you, again) who actually enjoy reading and more, care about other people (that would be me)... one label you can slap on me (gently please, especially since I am not a fan of labels) is altruistic... I care about you and I don't have to know you to do it (though knowing you are there makes caring much more fun and real and rewarding)... caring feels good (it's the best feeling I know), that's why I do it... so maybe it's more selfish than altruistic, but it's good for both of us if you accept the caring... will ya? J yes, yes, yes... welcome back yet again dear friends... and no, I have not gone back to experimenting with drugs, I'm just funnin... that's joking (or joting)... ummm, kidding... you know, teasing... playfully stroking your funny bones hoping to stimulate your lips to loosen up and part into a warm, wide, inviting smile... you can check out the other intro, ok?... I do hope you enjoy yourself and come back again and again (and multiple times) to be pissed on (oh wait, I said I wouldn't do that... besides, I zipped up... oh... errrrr... ummmm... excuse me, I've got to change my shorts)... . o O ( no I don't need help... unless of course you really want to ) O o . if I've offended you, please get in line here... I mean, what do you expect from a lumpy mattress, anyway?... maybe the cesspools I lived in finally rubbed off... or else I'm just trying a different approach to introducing my Keep In Touch pages... yes, that's right, you are on the main KIT (Keep In Touch) page... and maybe you thought you stumbled into the get real section of this rambling garden of words?... nope, that's somewhere else... by the way, my page was up before the show... anyway, naaaaaaa, you're in the right place... I'm just bored with the same old same old and figured I'd liven the place up a bit by whipping it out and... picture this, you're a nun opening your mind and finding you actually do have a libido... what do you do?... hail mary, huh?... oh come on, you're alive... but that's another story... we're here to update life as I know it and there are no lovely laughing suddenly sensuous nearly naked nubile nuns in mine today (unfortunately... I think), so never mind (unless...) J get on with it?... you want to know me?... ok, plop... (ah, the sound of falling into a bean bag chair... pull one up and plop yourself) This Is The Intro this is where you find an update of my offline life if you want to keep in touch with me... I use the web cuz I like it (and love writing)... used to be I didn't have time for much else (like personal correspondence) cuz I worked ridiculous hours last year (you can find some details in the worklife section, links below)... these main KIT pages have fallen into a monthly pattern at the moment... there are other branches of this KIT section that are added to more frequently... worklife is about, well, work (I'll get back to it eventually)... lifetimes is about (wanna guess?) life as I know it... both of those are relative weeklies... then there's journal... that's is a place you'll have to visit cuz I don't know how to explain it... it's kinda like me... it's kinda whenever I feel like it, so it's usually more frequent than weekly and sometimes more frequent than that (whatever that is)... heartbeats is for when I fall into the blood and guts inside... just like journals, only different... deeper and more intense... sometimes more real, sometimes more fanciful... and this KIT world is just one of the paths through my web world... and there are other sections growing here too, some new and some about to be and some still seeds in my imagination... you'll find links below if you want to know even more about me... if you've been here before, you know... and what can I say to friends who've stuck by me through this relatively long period of silence (except for these web babbles)?... well... how do you thank someone, who's taken you from crayons to perfumes?... oh wait, that's a different song... anyway, when I'm not pissing around, I'm singing... well, I used to sing (no no no, a thousand times no... we're not going to lament here today... later for lament, save it for somewhere else, with someone who cares in the real physical-type world... yeah, that's the ticket)... those who really know me know I play with irreverence when I am feeling comfortable with friends I am teasing... I mean, I am laying here without pants on, but it's not really cuz I have any intention of pissing on you... or seducing you for that matter (what?... you've seen what might be a double entendre in my words here or there?... must be Libbo or an over-active imagination... yeah, that's the ticket)... I just prefer nudity, but that's another story... I seriously appreciate you tolerating my peculiar brand of madness more than words can say (and for those of you still enjoying it - well, how do you thank a friend for being a friend during the challenging times?... check your medication and send me some)... as you can see from the dates below, these KIT pages started 2 years ago when I left a very comfortable home in Florida, put everything I owned and everyone I knew into storage and on hold, simply to persue an elusive dream... actually, this most recent incarnation of the dream began about five years ago after a three year germination period... that would be eight years, but I was living very comfortably on vacation for the first three... so in the past decade (wait, that's ten years... well, who's counting, huh?... if you are, come on over and we can explore my more detailed calendar after you inspire me to update it.. that'll be a challenge and a half)... where were we?... in the past decade I've soared euphorically living the closest reality to my ultimate fantasy that I ever experienced... and I hit bottom a couple of times, lost everything that mattered to me, lived on the street, accepted charity, died inside, never felt worse on any level... and last year I worked as much as this body can stand to rebuild a savings base so I can rebuild a life in this world... as if this wasn't enough to keep me away from corresponding (no less get me down)... after the dream broke, I needed to spend some time in my own selfish solitary introspection to digest the profound challenges and uncertainties and losses I've experienced in recent years... still do, actually... this web babbling is part of it... healing takes time... but it gets soooo lonely sometimes that the childinside wishes somebody who could truly understand me would come and cuddle me and really care enough to want to know and share everything... I'm in Orlando... wanna come over? I'll get dressed, promise... we can play with my hair and figure out how to cut it... or we can play with whatever you want... one of these days I'll write this latest chapter of this life (it's still not soup yet, but the first signs that it may be starting to be {soup, metaphorically of course} have appeared... I know, it's been cooking a long time... that's life)... so until I am fully back from the living hell (with T-shirts and all), I'll keep doing my best to post new updates here because for me, life is about sharing and sometimes, this is the best I can do... and most seriously of all (yeah, really seriously), thank you for hanging in here with me... bless you for blessing me with your patience and understanding and honest love... so that's the latest intro... now here are the links to the KIT pages and other paths created along the way... just below the links you'll find the latest Keep In Touch update... please feel a huge appreciative hug - and one more time - thanks for keeping in touch... May 1, 1998 June 12, 1998 July 3, 1998 August 21, 1998 October 2, 1998 October 31, 1998 November 23, 1998 December 25, 1998 December 31, 1998 January 17, 1999 February 1, 1999 February 26, 1999 April 11, 1999 May 16, 1999 June 14, 1999 July 17, 1999 August 21, 1999 October 1, 1999 November 4, 1999 December 13, 1999 December 26, 1999 March 25, 2000 April 5, 2000 May 12, 2000 June 17, 2000 July 20, 2000 August 21, 2000 September 16, 2000 October 21, 2000 November 21, 2000 December 16, 2000 January 1, 2001 January 17, 2001 February 23, 2001 May 1, 2001 and now, without further ado, it's almost time for the new news... why isn't it blinking?... I put those brackets and the word blink with the / before the second one around it... maybe this site doesn't support blinking?... but I thought it said it does... oh well, the is supposed to blink (to get your attention), so pretend it does ;) |
(yes I know, that "update in progress" parentheses just above has been there a very long time... but then, if you came here it was probably to find out where I've been and much of the history I've put on line is still intact, so read on and explore the past if you really want to know me because all I am today at this moment that you are reading is all I've been combined... and thank you for caring this much) as of OCTOBER 13, 2001 NOTE: DUE TO GREED, THE OLD SITE (LAST MILLENIUM) WAS DELETED... SO SOME LINKS WILL NOT WORK... PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU FIND ANY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH... AND NOW, ON WITH THE UPDATING THING ALREADY J I need an angel (Clarence?... anybody?) J first, the most important want of all the wantlist wants for the moment... I still have ads around the web for a roommate and I what's new is I found a great place near work, but I've been holding out until I find a roommie... if you want to help, here's what I'm looking for in an apartment (as many amenities as possible while keeping the rent and utilities as far under $1000 as possible... keeping it under $500 per person with a roommate)... if you know of anybody who might have a room to rent or better yet, wants to share a 2/2 apartment (the closer to UCF the better), then be a serious angel and please hook them up with me asap cuz I'm currently staying at an expensive weekly studio place J and now, for some lament... wow, it's been more than two months since the last update here (said that last time... this time it's been {counting on fingers} more than five months)... seems absurd, but there's been no time and little interest... lifetimes (the weeklies) have not been updated this millenium... but the daily journal, serious irreverence, has been updated almost daily and other KIT pages have been updated more often, but even there the writing continues to be not nearly as frequent (and probably not nearly as fluid) as last year... choppy waters continue, when there is a flow... this is still mostly due to present living conditions, though I admit apathy, procrastination, languishing nowhere has risen... woe is me and all... the fact remains that until September and since the middle of January I haven't had an electric outlet or phone line for access or desk or chair or anything other than this laptop that I can call my own (voicemail still works though if you want to leave a message)... that's partly, at least at the beginning of this year, due to trusting someone who used the word friend who betrayed me with cruelty I'd never imagined from her, some of which I still am not fully believing), but I also want to build up more savings as fast as possible (and living relatively rent-free was a good way to do that)... I spent most nights at friends and some nights in the car (sometimes I only have 6-7 hours between shifts, so the car allows the most sleep time) and grew more and more lonely (woe is me, remember?)... unfortunately, I've never been very good at this depression thing for long and working more than ever (averaging 80 hours a week), I don't have time to learn... some people might have a natural instinct for it... be, I seem to find happiness (or at least humor) in everything so I'd be the one giggling in the corner of the depression ward when they finally commit me... what, me kid? J wanna share? J as for the writing life (and written gardens) for the past year, whenever I can snatch some time I've been semi-randomly (still trying to sell chaos theory and universal randomness and all that, am I?) digging into my even more sleepy and even more lonely anima (mind, heart, spirit, soul, or whatever) for whatever might be found or created there (still just scratching the surface) and sending the words to the online group that seems most appropriate at the moment (being subscribed {see previous kit for the brief aside on the belonging issue} to more than 600 different online groups {yes, the number continues to rise}, the selection process could be as random as the rambling itself sometimes)... alas (still lamenting over minimal responses), I must confuse more than I amuse most of the time... but being a being who enjoys my own confusion cuz I know is just illusion, I amuse myself... does that keep me alone?... there's another chance to respond to me or even for group discussion for ya... la la la lonely... (once again I remind myself and all readers that I learned a long long long time ago not to question good moods (it's like sneezing in a house of cards}, so even though this one is more subdued than most, I'll just stay in it and continue) J the point I was making before I interrupted myself was that much of my minimal writing this year continues to be themed for or inspired by someone writing in some of the online groups I've created or joined... so if you want to give me some of the attention and feedback I crave (or just want to pass some time wandering through the recesses of my imagination or wherever this stuff comes from), you can find and check out some of my ramblings to groups and other obscure secrets in the letters to strangers gardens if you wish... as you wish too... the site move is still being delayed because I'm delaying finding a place but a big bump was dumped by the corporate Disney... they deleted the entire old website without mentioning it... sweet mouse becomes rat... Yahoo and Lycos also spat on my creativity sine last I lamented here with you... no wonder this good mood is not as good as usual, huh?... but wait, it gets worse... . o O ( more laments?... gulp ) O o . and then there's the stuff (remember the old computer and writings {all I wrote from 1993-1996, some of my most prolific and wonderful and intense and euphoric years} and laser printer and TV and some irreplaceable things and even the replaceable things would take several thousand dollars to replace)... I guess I should have realized that anybody who can ask someone to stay at their place only to throw them on the the street on a moment's notice for no reason (maybe I cleaned the place too well, but she was gone for the month and sent her brothers over in the night... sheesh, I'm sick of people like that)... wouldn't think twice about tossing that which is valuable... I haven't heard from her, but heard from the guy who introduced me to her that the news might be bad (still might be... no closure... backstabbing bitches are like that)... the words... . o O ( does anybody care? ) O o . I don't much care if it's madness or idealism or naivity or whatever, I still hope for friends... at least one who cares enough to give the time to learn who I am and share enough to trust... someone who I can believe in and who will believe in me... too much to ask for?... somehow the child inside me and the hope survives and I wish you (and you know who you are) were here and somebody would finally once and for all come out to play... and hey, you, come on to my cloud J in other words, you're welcome in my world and I'd like to be welcome in yours I'd like to find someone who can share without limits or walls or doors but positively I say, positively I mean positively I write letters to strangers hoping to find friends muses and intimacy wild passion and fantasy too trying to stay hopeful irreverent and innocent I know others are out there how about you I can find creativity in memories and dreams and music and my childinside and online friends too so if you are lonely I've known lonely too we can keep each other company as we figure out what to do but positively I say, positively I mean positively if wishes came true there'd be no pain no hurts, no betrayals but the best we can do is enjoy the risks don't be afraid to fall we all start out as strangers after all to be continued... and so I am still wandering... not wanting to be effected by world events is probably why I've not mentioned many in these monthly updates, but being that I spent more of this life in NYC than anywhere else, this downbeat (yes, this is a downbeat) is most likely influenced by the lack of two buildings in the skyline of NYC... I wish I could fix the world, but I did what I could to help... I wish humans would stop trying to control each other and just share the life they keep saying they are blessed to have... alas, I wish a lot of things... if you want to hear some sordid details (or at least the few I've scribbled down), feel free to depress yourself (or if you're like me even a little, get a good laugh) by reading the daily journals (I think I've decided to call it serious irreverence... and I added a section where you'll be able to see what stimuli passes through this life each day) and other gardens (or come over and spend a few nights sharing details and singing the getting to know you song) as the soup cooks (seems there's more crap in it every day... so why am I still smiling?) J as I mentioned last time, I am definitely way overdue for that slam bam pity party... unfortunately, it seems the solitary portion of the pity party was not over as I had thought and more unpleasant news arrived, so thank you for bearing (or is that baring) with me... wish you were around here to help... besides, I don't have the time for the time or the pain or the thinking or feeling or anything, really... can you tell? (babble babble babble... it took months to find this time to be babbling here today)... one of the most seriously profound obstacles and bummers is still that I don't have access to music (aching emptiness where music should be... please tell me what's new and good in music?) or movies?) or TV or anything creative or fun or serious these days... once again I edit and repeat the thoughts in this paragraph for redundancy is an essence in the learning process and getting the words right and getting the words right is essential to accurate communication and accurate communication is one of the primary goals of this web world and the written gardens... I really would rather present a more entertaining life for you to read about (hey, maybe you are entertained... all my life's a self-perpetuated soap-opera, after all), but the negativity (blah, pooo on negativity) of this human (humans need to get more involved in evolution) life is still trying to consume me (gulp)... I wonder if that is the experience you've had (feel free to satisfy my curiosity by responding... or perhaps it's just what I've done to myself... or something like that... anyway, the stubborn child continues to do the dance of positive incorribility (more and more and more and more {insatiable, remember?}... mayhaps you've noticed?)... even as I leave myself no time to breath deep enough or care for myself enough to wake up and feel healthy... maybe next month... more likely, later... for me it's trust or bust my faith is not in question eat me if you must you will get indigestion what can be expected when my therapy (writing, music, diet, meditation, sensuality, etc and so on and la dee doo) is more inconsistent than ever?... but speaking of indigestion, I'm eating healthier so there's potentially good news on the diet front (though health remains a bit of a mystery since I haven't been exercising and haven't been to a doctor for a check up in too many years... just too dang expensive)... I stopped eating meat and fat around the start of this month (that would make it two weeks now) and am determined to shut myself in (except for work) until I drop the excess weight (about 30 pounds... I've only been this big once and it's definitely physically depressing for me)... |
here's the resume, in case you hear of something that pays well and don't want it yourself... and how are you?... wanna come out and play? J life can be so much fun if we want it to be J so... you know the song, I'll go it alone and all... if nobody comes along... I really would much rather be sharing... alas, isn't anybody ready to giggle with me? J call me, dangit! J so here I am still, just taking my time looking, hoping, writing a rhyme wanting a friend who's ready to play looking for a comfortable place to stay the light at the end of the tunnel is nearer can someone see me through the fog? the outside world is becoming clearer trying to get realer and I see some sun and I see some rain and maybe it's time to stop riding that train... and as Linda Rondstadt sang, I still miss someone I'm just to numb to figure out who or why (but still I try) 
please take good care of yourself... and please, keep in touch... honest love, ric PS... nothing new in the PS, so don't even bother if you've been here since the new millenium began... PSs (like the plural of PS) take much more time and energy than I have these days... still, when you wake up you will find that you're not where you left yourself (so where were we?)... and now... a serious summary of some of the more personal paths in these written gardens... if you want more details about me (you really care that much?... I ask cuz precious and few are the ones who really care), then all I ask is that you understand me (just me asking the impossible, huh?)... seriously, if you could help me find a cool roommate and or apartment and or better job and I will shower you with praise and appreciation and affection and chocolate (wait, I said seriously)... ok, I'll shower you with whatever you'd like... deal? J you could explore the online groups I can be found in from time to time or read specially selected (yeah right, you oughta know lol) letters to strangers... and if you've come this far, you are welcome and extremely (ain't to proud to beg) encouraged to explore this web world and come to my window and dance by the light of the silvery moon and see what I want and offer friends and check out A Brief Introduction to Anonanonanon (Me) and more bios to get more personal and then for more (if you have time and interest in my babbling and details), read through previous KITs and worklife and lifetimes and then (if you are still awake and really want more babbling) there is the almost daily journal and you can listen to my heartbeats and oh what the heck, by then you must be either crazy (or closer to the edge) or family, so just explore all the new growth in the rest of the written gardens and add yourself to my personal address book and meet others in the other email groups... and then, just ask what else you want to know... and I'll do my best to fill in the details you ask for J NEXT STEP ON THIS PATH SIGN GUESTBOOK VIEW GUESTBOOK SIGN SLAMBOOK! VIEW SLAMBOOK!  EMAIL
|