...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...

... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ...
A Journal of Sorts
. o O ( of course I should be sleeping ) O o .




"I can't enslave huge notebooks without my quite poisonous war wound."







~ Random Surreal Generator ~










I really must come up with a better (read: faster, more efficient, less time consuming) way of jotting down my thoughts and feelings as they come to the surface of my consciousness... my left brain, in spite of all the effort I've put into it, remains in a relatively constantly active state... really, I've tried everything I can think of short of actually damaging it (and have even tried stuff for a while that, while effecting it in very positive ways, did damage it, but that was a while back and now it would take a very special soul mate to inspire me to experiment with whatever brain cells are left up there) to get it to slow down and stop and smell the roses and just vegetate a while... it does faux-vegetable quite well at times, but that's mostly just outward appearance...

what I need is a small (pocket-sized, or close to that) tool containing a program with a small footprint that will accept words in some manner, check spelling and links and edit them to my liking, and store them for later transfer to a printable web format/design that is pleasing to my eyes (and without design flaws)... I don't know if there are good enough voice-to-text transfer programs to fit on a PDA or something so I could just speak into something and later plug it (or wireless it) in to a computer that would insert the text into a pre-designed webpage... and then how would the text know where to go... a voice contoled database?... sounds a lot more complex than it appeas in my mind... I think it is doable, I just don't hav e the technical expertise (or time to learn it) at the moment to be certain how to do it or to actually do it... so that is why I need it, because I want it and do not have it at the moment...

kind of defines what a need is for me, but that's a whole other philosophical discussion I did not know I was coming here to have... need is one of those words used so often that it is challenging to define because everyone has a different perspective... the most widely accepted perspective, at least from my perspective, confuses it with desire... as I see it, what we truly need is nothing more than what we want... if we want nothing, we need nothing...

the challenge for me in this world is that most people seem to see need (and even desire) as a force beyond their control... but that's the way of the human it seems, to rationalize away responsibility...

I believe I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings... there is nobody else in me or out there controlling my brain and my brain is all there is to control my thoughts and the feelings the brain gives this body... today I have a pain in my mouth becase yesterday I had a tooth pulled because last month I made an appointment to have a tooth pulled because the dentist told me it had to go... I chose to go to the dentist, I chose to believe in his expertise, I chose to make the appointment and go get my tooth pulled... I, my choices, caused the pain... did I need to get the tooth pulled?... I decided I did because I wanted to give up on a tooth that would most likely rot in my head and become home to bacteria that would cause damage to other teeth and I want to keep as many of my teeth healthy as I can... so for the moment, it hurts... so do I need pain medication?... I want less pain, so I need pain medication to fulfill my desire... that is need, something to fulfill a desire...

I don't look up at the sky or at anyone else asking why is this happening to me... I eat lots of sweets and at times in this life did not brush after every meal... heck, at times in this life I did not own a toothbrush and public water pipes (like in public bathrooms or public park water fountains) were my only source of clean water... medically, it is amazing that I have only one tooth with enough decay on it to warrant removal and even more amazing that dentists and hygienists praise my teeth... they tell me wisdom teeth are tought to keep anyway for a number of reasons and many people have all four removed, but only one of mine needed to go... because I wanted it to go because, well, you should remember...

my problem (when I want to make it my problem) with the general useage of the word and most widely accepted concept of need is that the word and concept of can't is often associated to needs... I need something so I can't live without it... or can't be happy without it... can't be fulfilled... can't whatever...

can't is the excuse of small minds... small fear-filled minds... when fear is empowered, it grows and fills space that would otherwise be available for other thoughts and feelings... most people empower fear to points where they have little head space left for new ideas or feelings that have any depth to them (the first places fear fills, when we let it, are the deeper centers of understanding and passion in the brain)... fear infects brain cells, much like decay infects teeth, and fear renders brain cells useless for most processes that brain cells are good for... and the word/concept that is used to cover up these infected areas of the brain is can't...

now some fear comes from cells so deep in the brain that we call it instinct because we do not have conscious connections with those cells in our brain... why?... because we do not want to learn how to... you may have heard somewhere that humans only use a small percentage of their brain cells in a lifetime... fear is the leading cause for this lack of usage... apathy is another... but before we forget completely the previous points I'll just emphasize, however ineffectively, since we did wander off on this tangent, that I do my best not to empower fear, do not respect overly-empowered fears (and I believe most are way overly-empowered), and I do not accept the resulting layers of can'ts in my brain... I remove them faster than a decaying wisdom tooth...

anyway, from my perspective (what is real to me), needs are completely dependant and do not exist without desires and can't only exists in imaginations, and rarely in mine... but that is not what was on my mind when I started babbling here today...

a-hem

I want to be able to share my thoughts and feelings with the world via web pages... so to get what I want, I need a way to record what is going on in my head and transfer it to a web page... the keyboard upon which I am typing these words and the template I use to format the words into a web page is the current method I use... so what are the drawbacks...

some can be remedied by getting a new laptop... for instance, this one has an almost dead battery so it's not as portable as I'd like and it is old (slow, tiny memory) so it can not run a lot of software that might streamline the process of getting my thoughts into a web page format... but is a laptop the best answer to my need?...

a laptop is too big to fit into even a big pocket and way too fragile to be kept in a pocket... so what else is available?... dunno... I know there are PDAs and smaller keyboards and digital recorders and voice-transfer programs and all sorts of gadgets, so I need to find information... I need input... I need to know where to get this specialized input... library?... libraries are favorite places for me, but most do not have cutting edge information... I'm looking for information that probably has not been published in text yet... maybe in some magazines?... unfortunately, libraries around here do not get many magazines... so where to go?... a web forum for geeks may be the best answer... and where to find one?... a web search engine may be the place to start fulfilling this desire and finding what I need...

and time to do the research is what I need most...

ok, so how was your day?

J



STUFF CURRENTLY STIMULATING (OR BORING) THE SENSES
visuals
audios
literata
edibles
gardens
oddends
linkage
journals
moments
          work,
work, local radio
Last Chance To See   by Douglas Adams (paused)
maybe soup?
   wantlist
READ DISCLAIMER   

yin    yang    yo   
, and wandering the web

(TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT THIS IS, CLICK ON THIS LINK)



JOURNAL INDEX

TURN THE PAGE



(please note the same time menu bar will be behind for a while)

THE SAME-TIME MENU BAR - FOR EACH GARDEN AROUND THIS SAME TIME

NEW   KIT   WORKLIFE   LIFETIME   JOURNAL   HEARTBEAT   GAMES   WANTS


MAINGATE    HOME    GARDENS    BIOS    KITS    LIFE    HEARTBEATS    WORK    FAREWELL

SIGN GUESTGROUP    VIEW GUESTGROUP          SIGN SLAMBOOK!    VIEW SLAMBOOK!



Candor Communications    2003