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...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
more to follow later day four of the physical push to wake up this body and feel alive again... I won't moan to you right now, but the chemicals the body produces to numb muscles is a wonderful thing at times like these... wouldn't mind some more of them... still, it turns me on... I pushed the limits again, much more than yesterday when I was feeling very weak, achy, and old... today I almost reached the end of the trail I run (it's 4 miles total), so I ran and walked more than seven miles... ran about three of the miles... about 90 minutes... I'll start smiling when I do 10 minute miles and will be happier when I do 8 minute miles, but won't be satisfied until I can do some 6 minute miles again... and human logic probably says I am crazy... so much for long term goals... the immediate goal is wake up again tomorrow and do it again (and then have to go back to work and integrate the 8+ hours of work into the exercise regime... hopefully I won't use it as an excuse to skip a day or cut back a lot, but it's altogether too possible since there's no motivation outside of what is in me to continue this madness in the physical reality... shhhh, I'm gonna try to sneak past the apathy, indifference, and laziness)... and what else is new?... I've been avoiding writing today... today is another reminder of the loose ends of this life... wish I could find the people and bring closure to some things, but then, I am the person they want me to be and I will not change for them, so unless they come to a middle ground there can be no closure... it's sad that people will not accept people as they are... there are a few people I would like to apologize to, face to face, and hopefully I'll get that chance one day... until that chance, the best I can do is say Happy Birthday here... in younger years we laughed and played sharing space and time everything but rhyme J |
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