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...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
more to follow later sitting here rambling while Sam flips the channels on the toob and between a Friends rerun and yet another WWE show, the new Star Search and assorted other snips and The Majestic (and the sounds from the latest DVDs he's downloading), every now and then, my ears pick up some special interview show featuring Michael Jackson and I remember that I would love to meet him... there's an instinct that tells me he's one of the few people in this world who might begin to understand me (and perhaps vice versa) on levels of thought and experience that most people never explore... and then again, I sense many differences between us and much confusion in him... in many ways I think he represents much of the foibles and sad sickness that humanity has succumbed to in their fearful quest to conquer and control everything in their extremely limited sphere of perception... and yet, he survives to strive to rise above it and enjoy his life in spite of the pressures and abuses heaped on by well intentioned and also very jealous people... but then, that's just my thought... obviously the WWE is much more meaningful and exciting and meanwhile, here in this weird life I live inside my head, focus wanes a bit more as the influences around me have not changed and my resolve to change my own ways does not integrate into the life I've lived for the past couple or few years... the search for new friends (at least one who understands and cares to help mutually reach for more of self and everything) continues even as I drag a bit... it doesn't help that the doctors appointments take so long to set up... I mean, I decided to get a complete health check up and called a doctor and that lead to other doctors because each test has to be set up by a specialist and the specialist's appointments had to be set up (and never less than a few weeks, right?) and then the specialist finally orders the tests and then the tests need to be set up (another few weeks) and here it is more than a month after I decided it was time for a complete check up and I am still in the middle of the process with one more specialist to be seen (and hopefully no more needed) and a the actual tests still to be done... is this health system we've got not sick, or what?... big business kills, modern medicine maims, and health care becomes an oxymoron... and ultimately I wanted to wait ntil the complete physical was over before stepping out on the road and seriously exercising again... maybe it's all just excuses on the plus side, I continue to shed the extra pounds off this body, slower now... I still know no healthy eaters and eating alone is not nearly as mch fun as sharing meals and Sam still eats way more than I want to, so I'm still swimming upstream (against the cultural stream) all by myself and that sucks cuz it's terribly lonely... blah blah blah blah blah wow, a five blah entry... this is a sure sign of boredom you could come over and save us both from all this, you know? J |
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