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...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
"do you know how far this has gone? just how damaged have i become? when i think i can overcome it runs even deeper everything that matters is gone all the hands of hope have withdrawn could you try to help me hang on? it runs..." ~ Nine Inch Nails ~ I've been there and I'm doing all I can not to go back, I'm making my stand... I sure could use some help, but the question truly is can anybody actually help me... when push comes to shove (weird idiom, actually) in almost every situation I wind up being the one helping even when I am at my lowest... it's the infinite inner energy and apparently incorrigible self-sufficiency and blind faith optimism that has not yet failed to rise and carry me through anything... it sucks sometimes to be the only one I know like me... and while some part of me plays the human games... wondering how damaged I've become and feeling sorry for myself... another part of knows it's all mind over matter in the end... and while years reduce the bodys ability to heal, regenerate, and reach physical plateaus, the mind has no limits other than those we create... there are no limits to emotions... there is no time... emotional/ethereal healing can take a moment or forever, our choice... in fact, no healing is necessary once we reach a plateau of awareness that understands no damage is ever done unless we want it done and we do it to ourselves... it's about now I can often look around and see I've isolated myself from just about everyone around me cuz humans in general buy into weakness and limits and can'ts... and not wanting to be totally alone (or at least, hoping to be able to foster the illusion that I am not), I try to relate to the humanity around me... the fact is we are each alone and separate, no matter how much we buy into the illusion that we are not... oh, to share the illusion with someone where I am... maybe I'd feel less alone if I just stopped coddling people and lifted myself to where I know... if no one reaches me, at least I'll be able to rest comfortably as myself and give all I can give... like a candle in the wind... a shared illusion... that's a gift I've missed for a very long time... 
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