...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
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A Journal of Sorts
"Sometimes...
when you hold out for everything,
you walk away with nothing."
- the writers on Ally McBeal -
maybe that's why I'm not with Jeanine Garofalo... could also be that I spell her name wrong... there's just something about her... maybe it's the recessive genius hiding so well behind the mask of obsessive compulsive self-critique that compels me to want to tell her she's beautiful in so many ways that it hurts to feel she's out of reach... or maybe it's the cool accessories she wears...
oh wait, Calista Flockhart?... speaking of enigmas, or are they enignii?... recently I was asked to fantasize about an ideal person for me... I don't have time, of course, but somewhere in the archives I did find the following...
the innocent wonder and exhuberance of Claire Danes, Katie Holmes, Larisa Olynik, and some other wide-eyed kids... the heart and soul and wisdom of Mother Theresa and a few other saints... the reality-checking ability of Jeanine Garafalo, Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, and other open minds... the intelligence and perspective of Stephen Hawkings, Albert Einstein, and a few more active brains... the vulnerability of Clarista Flockhart, Goldie Hawn, Linda Rondstadt, Meg Ryan, Barbara Streisand, and others who've made insecurity a strength and attractive by being real... the sense of humour of Robin Williams, Steve Martin, Gilda Radner, Lily Tomlin, and some other insane people who've found ways to stay out of institutions and make us pay for it... well, at least for the moment, this will do for starters... I'll certainly have another list at another time in another mood... and we'll add more to the petrie dish as it brews and of course, because we'll serve no genetic soup before it's time ;)
well, that's what I found... many people were left out I see... and then there are some newbies... I suppose the new Dax needs to be added... I found out her name... Nicole DeBoer... she's from Toronto... figures, huh?... and there's something about Catherine Zeta-Jones... and it's not just the way she slithers under electric eye security devices, but... butt?... oh, I didn't see that pun coming at all... Phoebe Cates does something to me too... the list is very long... all this visual superficiality... so many different looks that I find attractive...
and all this cuz Jeanine was on some TV show a few moments ago and I turned to look... and cuz I stumbled across a page of quotes recently and the one that started this page stuck in my mind... and cuz I've got nothing better to do but dream of an ideal person when I should be sleeping cuz I've got to be back at work in 3 hours... see what loneliness does kids?... don't try this at home, I'm a professional... I've studied loneliness at major universities and other places of higher learning... I studied it with my nose to the grindstone, my face in the gutter, and my fingers raw from grasping at that elusive last rope... you know, the one at the end of frustration... sometimes it's a last straw, but when hope shrinks like a zit under extra-heavy-duty clearasil, it's the end of the rope...
what's the point anyway?... did I have one?... yes, somewhere buried beneath the irreverence and sarcasm and other stuff is a point... a few, probably... and it'll make itself clearer when it's ready... it's probably waiting for you to let me know that you actually already see it without me explaining it better...
perhaps I'll add links to this page and continue expounding on my libido fantasies, visual fantasies, heart fantasies, mind fantasies, soul fantasies, spirit fantasies, and so on and so forth and scooby dooby do dah day oh...
daylight come and I've got to go to work... see ya
