...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...

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More of Me

here's a way to kinda like peak in the window and see who lives here
without letting me know (unless you want to respond)... in my quest for
honest love and true friends, sometimes when I send a personal ad
response I share enough about myself in responding to questions to feel
it belongs in this intros garden (and thank you for the inspiration) J


the response to me:


Hello there. I went to your page and spent a bit of time there. There is a lot to absorb. I couldn't find answers to some basic questions..how old are you? what do you do? do you have a pic? You must have spent a lot of time working on that.
May I ask why you decided to say hello to me?




why do I do anything?... usually it's just impulse J

I love to share, I love to write, I care about people and life... I enjoy life more when I have friends around and since moving to Orlando last year I've been saying hi to people on the net (and off the net) just to be friendly... I figure I won't find people who could be compatible friends with me unless people know I exist and my door is open... so in many different ways on and off the net I kinda wave my welcome mat at strangers cuz strangers are just friends we haven't met yet J

"what have I got to lose, somebody might wave back" - Waterboys

so I reach out a lot, sometimes randomly and usually it's cuz something attracts me... so why you? (ummmmm, cuz you're beautiful?... well, flattery is a nice polite start in search of reasons, right? J)

actually (honesty is my way), I don't even remember so I'm gonna look at your aol listing cuz that's where I found you... ... ... ok, after a side trip to fix some problems on my website (server glitches have been cropping up lately, grumble grumble), I found your listing... didn't notice the pic before... evil seductress?... you look like intense fun...

ok seriously, now why did I write (I get to the point eventually... if you love reading along babbling paths, you might enjoy me... if not, you might hate me... the world is full of different people with different tastes and opinions, some are even ambivalent and others are vacant)... overall I reach out because I want more friends in Orlando (I have a few, though many of my interests are not shared)... I hope to find a true friend... to share unconditional love and trust is a choice, but it becomes an easy choice with a true friend... a true friend, to me, is someone who chooses to care, but also chooses very similar philosophies and attitudes and interests...

so I look at your listing...

surrealist - I clicked on your listing because of that word... then I read... I don't pay attention much to a/s or physical stuff at first because I'm not into cyber sex and through words, meetings are much more ethereal... and sexuality is not my first priority today (though I am sensual, not asexual, and do get lonely)... your email address added a second word that appealed to me... not religious appealed to me as well... "way too many stupid people breed" had me giggling... inspire my giggles and you have my attention J

I guess while amused, I didn't notice that you smoke often... stop.

ok, don't stop, you're free to do as you please... I just walk away to healthier air when someone wants to breath in smoke... or to put it another way, I don't walk into burning buildings unless there's someone inside who needs saving... from another perspective, I don't lick ashtrays or kiss smokers, but kissing that wasn't the point of writing to you anyway and I'm just nudging you (with a smile, take it well?) because I care about you because I care... I've done more different drugs than just about anyone alive outside of institutions, so I don't preach against any lifestyle choice... I just choose healthier games these days...

I saw the Doors live... well, on the street... I bumped into them in NYC one day... growing up in NYC the sixties provided many such meetings... usually the famous were friendly in passing, at least to me... I didn't see them perform live, but I remember the atmosphere that produced them and other great musical groups from those times...

I love music - some more than other, but love to explore new sounds and styles... music is as close to religion as I get... and one big reason I reach out to diverse people of all ages is hoping to be turned on to new (or old) music that I haven't found yet... I know some of the music you listed, don't know a few... I'm serious on my music pages when I ask for your favorites this week, this month, this year, and all time (I've found some of my favorite musicians just listening to what other people like J)

some of the specific stuff in your likes were big smiles for me (I smile big when somebody likes what I like)... Sci-Fi, for instance... and The Never Ending Story is one of many favorites... I'm a sucker for romantic fantasy (The Princess Bride) or child-hero against all odds fantasies (Hook, ET)... underdogs appeal to me (Terminator 2, Matrix)... besides music, I love words - reading and writing, and movies and visual arts too... from Dickens to Heinlein, Poe to Harry Chapin, poets and writers are heros for me... I also grew tired of clubs, too much smoke, though I love exercise and used to dance past dawn at The Firesone and other clubs around Orlando (I lived here before, just returned last year and everybody I knew except one moved)... I rarely met people at clubs, just went for the music...

Star Trek... NG is my favorite, but all the series are part of my personal folk lore... Roddenberry's world is one I visit in my mind when I tire of this one (often lately... I would liked to be beamed somewhere else)...

I think stupid people do realize how stupid they are, sometimes... it usually makes them angry or pretenders and they are usually easy to spot... I define stupid as choosing ignorance, even if the choice is subconscious... knowledge scares most people because it usually leads to chance and change scares most people a lot... unfortunately, most people see fear as something to avoid as opposed to something to be overcome, so there are a lot more ostrich-people than enlighted people...

jaded hopeless romantic... I don't want to be jaded... I call myself a hopelessly hopeful romantic... it has become more and more challenging to climb out of the crap of failed romance to the top of mount hopeful... there's a child inside my heart longing for a shoulder to cry on, but most of me is past the halfway point of healing from my last fiasco (which destroyed me on every level more than I ever want to come close to again and still has me crawling in the material world - I gave away a home, cars, and tons of money and I lived on the streets and lost everything {the things we do for love} - and that's what hurts least of all)... still, my strongest characteristic is stubbornness and I will not stay down cuz I don't wanna...

romantically, right now, I think I am looking more for someone I can trust to listen to my heart without trying to own or possess it... if that makes any sense... I think I still have more healing to do before I want to commit unconditionally again... so I seek true friends, at least one...

sexually I am open and honest... I prefer to fall in love emotionally and not just physically, but I've had a couple of wonderful sexual relationships with friends when both of us were lonely and attracted physically, but not the right "the one" for each other... I also love cuddling and holding somone... did you want this much info? (you'll have to ask for more J)

"real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance" N.

I love this quote, who is N. (Nietsche?)

age... in so many ways it's meaningless, but in some ways it does mean a lot if one actually used his/her time alive to learn and experience life and grow... still, I've met l've people who were immature and irresponsible, I've met 5 year olds with whom I could have serious converstaions... one of the people who know me best in Orlando turned 20 in December... she adopted me and calls me daddy... I'd be happy to introduce you to her or others if you want to meet more people...

I don't judge or categorize people or decided what I can share with someone based on age, which is a very different choice from most people in this world... to answer the question "how old are you?", the following words most accurately represent me...

my mind believes it is still four years old, my heart still feels seventeen, my soul is as ageless as time itself, my spirit is reborn each time I open my eyes, and this 44 year old body does it's best to keep up with me...

what do I do?... whatever I please... that is, I do what I want to do from among the choices I make available to myself... the question may have related to what I do for money - work - in this world (it's a semantic gremlin of mine... I dislike the attitude of work=what one does or who one is that most in this culture hang on to... way too judgmental and superficial for me... I'm looking for the right job (check my "wantlist" http://home.att.net/~candor/wantlist.html for more)...

what I have done for money in this life is a lot of different things... emergency medical technician, day treatment administrator, treatment team leader, residential facility manager, freelance consultant, lots of fancy titles... I help people, that's what I like to do... I've also cleaned bathroons, scrubbed floors, painted, mowed lawns, controlled pests, shovelled snow, and worked a lot of other jobs for brief periods...

what I'd like to do is make money doing something more creative with words and music, but I haven't wanted to deal with the business side of selling creativity enough to go for it... I love to sing for the feeling it brings me, but havent sought an audience...

I don't have an online pic or a pic file at the moment, I haven't gotten me and a camera and a scanner together yet... all three would have to be borrowed (though I probably would provide me J)

I have very long hair (darkish brown) at the moment and it does what it pleases unless I put lots of goop into it to stop it from frizzing and waving and curling... I wear a pony tail more and more and might chop it all off in order to get a better income cuz I need income these days... I recently shaved a beard and my face is still getting used to being shaved... ouch... dark brown eyes... I don't know who I look like either... sometimes I don't even look like me... I'm about 5'10 and weight about 180, but feel better at 170 and will get back there this year when I settle in a bit more... I'm staying with friends right now but I need to find a place and roommate as soon as possible...

and there's a bit more of an introduction to me and hopefully satisfactory answers to your questions... whatever you think or do, I appreciate you responding for you gave me the impetus to ramble this personally on about myself (though it's still just scratching the surface, it's a start) cuz it'll help me introduce myself to other people too and that's the point, to try to find friends and people I can relate to who can relate to me... thanks J

if you check http://home.att.com/~candor/orlando/party you should find some info about monthly parties a friend and I used to try to organize... one was a clean and sober party for card and game players and the other was an almost anything goes open house party anybody... we don't have music, which blows the gig so we put the parties on hold... but we might have one in early February... I've met the few friends I have around here at them... I usually send invites to local email groups and a small group of strangers come together to try to find friends... it's all ages cuz the people living at the house (five at the moment) are 19 - 38 y/o (one of the rommates there, Alex, is a mom and sometimes her 2 year old is home and her 15 y/o sister sometimes shows up... we're all new to Orlando looking for friends and you're welcome to come meet us and others)...

you can also find lots of local Orlando online groups from that page... most of the groups are relatively quiet, not noticed yet... just one of the many ways I try to find people I can reate to and a few true friends...

I don't have a spellchecker and don't have the patience to edit for typos right now, so I hope they (typos) are more amusing than confusing J

experience tells me that for most people, I've already rambled on way too much and I'd be written off as a nut (or other negative judgemental term) by now... I kinda brace for being ignored by people in this world... but then, I probably ramble on to keep those people away J

so... are we having fun yet?...

well, there's always hope (so I say J)

ric
Main Gate
407-426-7101

"The glory of friendship is not the
outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile,
nor the joy of companionship; it is the
spiritual inspiration that comes to one
when he discovers that someone else
believes in him and is willing to trust him."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~



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